When I Get Home, My Moirail Always Pretends To Be Dead
by Chibi Night Angel
Summary: Karkat constantly comes home to find his friend Gamzee dead. Let's see how the little crab reacts to all this. One shot. Rated T for Gamzee and Karkat of course


**So I had a great idea to write this when I saw the video for this. Hope you all enjoy this funny long-ish one shot. I changed the lyrics to match it up by the way ^^**

**I do not own Homestuck or Vocaloid.**

**~.~.~.~.~**

_**When I open the door, there's my moirail collapsed **_

_**With a knife sticking out of his back**_

_**The carpet's all bloodstained**_

_**If the other trolls saw this, they might faint**_

Karkat was tired.

He had to help out Feferi with Sollux and Eridan's arguing.

He was Kanaya's fashion doll for the day.

And Nepeta had caught him in a pounce and forced him into some roleplaying.

He just wanted to come back to his hive and collapse on the ground. Even that sounded comforting right about now. His feet shuffled across the sand and soon the stony ground. He reached the door of his hive finally and sighed with relief as he pushed the door open. He noticed some indigo drops on the floor and followed the trail until he reached the nutritionblock.

And what a sight he was greeted with.

Gamzee was lying face down on the floor with a knife sticking out of his back. Indigo blood was pooled around him, staining the carpet. He swore that if Tavros or Feferi saw this, they'd faint from this. His face remained neutral as he strided over to him and knelt near the troll.

_**I remain calm**_

"_**Looks like the clean-up will be tough today."**_

_**I laugh**_

_**And still facedown but looking satisfied **_

_**My moirail laughs, "Hehehe~"**_

He placed his hand on Gamzee's head and gently pet him. The other troll nuzzled against his hand, a small purr coming from him.

"So it looks like you fucking managed to make my day even more tiring. Now I got to clean up this shit."

It may have sounded harsh but Karkat had a small smile teasing at his lips. Meanwhile, Gamzee was grinning happily as his eyes peeked up at his best friend. This was all fake and Karkat knew this. His eyes looked at the joke knife and the fake blood that Dave had given the clown a couple days back.

"Honk~"

Karkat stood back up, off to go find some stuff to clean up the blood. Gamzee sat up and watched the other's retreating back, the grin still on his face as he chuckled.

_**When I come home, my moirail always pretends to be dead**_

_**What kind of death he'll have tomorrow**_

_**I can't even begin to imagine...**_

After cleaning up the mess his moirail had made before, he was off to sleep. He stretched as he walked into his respiteblock. He shed his clothes and approached his recuperacoon. A small honk came from behind him and he turned to see Gamzee standing at the entrance. He yelped and picked up a discarded shirt and covered himself.

Gamzee had a pillow and a large blanket in his arms. Oh yeah, he let the clown sleep over for the night. His back was still turned to the other.

"What do you want?"

"I just came to wish my motherfucking best friend a good rest. Hope ya actually get some sleep."

Karkat quickly turned around, blushing.

"Yeah, you too fuckass."

Footsteps leaving were heard and the nub horned troll climbed into his recuperacoon. He relaxed into the slime and sleep immediately took hold of him.

_**One time he had an arrow through his head**_

_**Another time, dressed as a warrior with a spiked club**_

_**The time I saw him in a dead seahorse costume...**_

_**I thought I'd close the door on him**_

The next day, he invited some of the others to come over. Well "invite" is used strongly. They all had barged in when he least expected it. And they almost ran out at the same time.

Gamzee had done it again.

He was leaning near the entrance of the doorway with an arrow going through his skull. More indigo blood had dripped onto his shirt and down the wall. Equius and Nepeta panicked, running over to the supposed "fallen" highblood and tried to see if he was still alive. Tavros had screamed and fainted on the spot. Even Vriska, who had tagged along, was pale with fear as she noticed all the blood.

Karkat, on the other hand, took steps near the capricorn and bopped him on the head. Gamzee immediately looked at him.

"Ow Karbro! That motherfucking hurt!"

"I HAD FRIENDS OVER DUMBASS!"

_**Cleaning up afterwards is quite a pain**_

_**Having to wash the bloodstains from the carpet and all**_

_**So I wish he'd spare me the sight of him**_

_**Cooking with that arrow in his head**_

Gamzee pouted and stood up. The others shook their heads in disbelief. How in the world was he still alive? Tavros woke up and his eyes widened as he saw his friend grinning with the arrow. He fainted again. The subjuggulator walked off into the nutritionblock to go make some food to eat.

With the arrow still in his head.

Of course, Karkat had to hold off the laughter at everyone's face. Until he saw the blood and then that wicked grin turned into a snarl. He stomped off, leaving an unconscious Tavros, a stuttering Equius, a pale Vriska and a whimpering Nepeta.

Off to find the cleaning supplies again.

_**When I come home, my moirail always pretends to be dead**_

_**If I compliment him a bit, he gets all caught up in it **_

_**So I do my best to ignore it**_

"Not bad what you did today Gamz. Not bad at all."

"Really? I knew I did great~ You looked a bit scared this time."

"I was just surprised at the time you picked to do this today."

The clown just grinned and continued to wipe away the blood off the walls. Karkat growled and shook his head. Another rag was added as the blood was cleaned up.

_**Before we were friends, though I was busy**_

_**Just being able to see him made me laugh**_

_**We'd walk around aimlessly all night**_

_**And go watch the ocean, and yet**_

Gamzee was running around on the beach, kicking sand up and honking rapidly. His face was glowing with that ever showing grin. He tripped and fell face first into the water that splashed onto the beach. Sitting up, he sputtered the sand out of his mouth. Karkat fell back, laughing at the other's face. He only allowed himself to show this part of him when Gamzee was alone with him.

"Honk! That was motherfucking nasty, bleh!"

Karkat continued to laugh, wiping tears from his eyes.

"Your fault for running!"

Gamzee frowned and ran at the crab, playfully tackling him to the sand. They made an 'Oomf!' sound when they hit the ground and broke out laughing after the sand cleared. They sat up and stared up at the sky, the stars twinkling all around.

"Sky looks like motherfucking miracles right now bro."

Karkat looked on as a shooting star passed by. He pet the Gamzee's hair, listening as he honked his enjoyment. It wasn't that bad sometimes with Gamzee as his moirail.

"Sure is Gamzee. Sure is."

_**Right after we were moirails, work got easier**_

_**And life became so much more fun**_

_**I didn't even think of how Gamzee felt**_

_**Waiting all alone at home**_

"Karkitty~!"

"Karkles!"

"KK."

"Karkat~!"

Said troll looked up to see Terezi and the others waving at him from afar. He raised a hand at them to say hi. They all ran at him, grabbing onto his arms and dragging him away. Though he protested, they continued to pull him away. He turned back to look at Gamzee.

"I'll see you later Gamzee."

The other just waved back. Karkat noticed something flashed in his eyes.

Was that loneliness?

His eyebrows scrunched together as he was dragged away to some other crazy place. He thought about something as Gamzee disappeared from his line of sight.

_**My moirail pretending to be dead whenever I come home **_

_**Is it because he wants to return to how we used to be?**_

_**I just don't know**_

His mind flashed back to all the moments he came to his hive and saw his best friend in a scary situation.

The knife in his back, the arrow in his head, the dead warrior and the dead seahorse costume. He wondered why he did all this. Was it to regain his attention?

_**If coming home to see **_

_**My moirail's performance waiting for me**_

_**Is the shape our friendship will take**_

_**I guess that works in its own way**_

"I wonder what I should do next?"

Gamzee was untying the noose he had around his neck. His latest scare had nearly traumatized Sollux who walked in to ask Karkat about his failed sent virus.

"_Oh my god! KK, why the fuck are you 2tanding there all calm?!" _

_He ran to see if Gamzee's pulse was still there and the other troll opened his eyes to smile at the gemini._

"_Hey Solbro~"_

_Sollux nearly fell over in shock and ran out of the hive._

"Huh. Maybe you should get crushed by the thermal hull?"

Gamzee grinned and nodded happily.

_**When I get home, my moirail always pretends to be dead**_

Karkat walked to his hive after another day of being a leader. His friends had put him in some crazy situation again and it took him longer to get home. He sighed as reached the door of his hive and paused as he thought to himself.

'What the hell could that clown be doing today?'

_**I wonder what kind of death he'll have today...**_

A small smile crossed his face as he placed a hand on the doorknob. Thoughts crossed his mind of what his face painted friend could be planning again. He shrugged and pushed the door open and walked inside, ready to face another 'death'.

"I'm home."

_**I just can't wait as I open the door**_

_**~.~.~.~.~**_

**A/N: Well? How was it? This was just a quick one shot that came to me when I watched the video. I was all, "This sounds like something Gamzee would do to Karkat for some reason." He is a little crazy remember? Hope you guys enjoyed the creation of my twisted little mind. **

**Oh and by the way, if you wanted to know, the song is called, 'When I get home, my wife always pretends to be dead'~**


End file.
